Non-Religious Christian Spirituality

my friend’s day

A friend of mine died today. Had a massive heart attack and died. I’ve known him for around 15 years, and though I didn’t know him really well, wasn’t completely close, there always was a connection between us. He was a kind of institution in my life that I guess in some irrational way I thought would always be there. Last April we agreed to try to get closer. To spend some time, have a lunch and talk. For the last few months, I’d been trying to get together with him, but one thing or the other, usually the other thing, always got in the way. And now there is just one big thing. No more chances.

Today was his day. I’m sure he didn’t know it was his day when he woke up and saw the lines of his familiar room in the familiar light. It just became his day one moment this morning with the pain in his chest. Even then, I’m sure he didn’t know it was his day. When did he finally know? What did he think about? What did he feel? What did he try to say?

When I heard over the phone a few hours ago, I literally couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think of a thing to say. I’m trying now to say that I still can’t really believe that I won’t see him again. I’m trying now to say that I wish we’d had at least one of the lunches we planned so I’d have that solid memory to fall back on and maybe feel better about. Should I have tried harder to see him? Should I have not given up as I did the last few weeks telling myself that maybe later when things were less crazy, I’d try again.

And I’m trying now to say that on his day, I can’t help wondering what my day will be like. How I’ll find out that it’s my day and what I’ll be thinking and trying to say. How this life I so casually live will suddenly end. What will end it? What will precede it? Will I have any clues? I’m sure I won’t know it’s my day when it comes any more than he did. For that matter, day ain’t over yet…

And all these things I wonder about, my friend is learning now. Whatever is out of my reach now, my friend is now experiencing. I will miss my friend. Not so much the time I spent with him, because there wasn’t so much of that, but just the knowing that he’s out there, like the ocean I rarely visit just a few miles away. The possibility of lunch.

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5 responses

  1. Marian

    An Italian friend of mine once told me that her mother always kissed everyone when they entered her house and when they left. My friend asked her mother why and her answer was “It might be the last time that I ever see them and I want them to know they are loved.”

    I am experiencing the same loss today. A loss of someone who has always been near. Someone that I took for granted and always thought would be near. I can’t believe that, in this lifetime, I will see him no more.

    As I get older, I realize that “that day” is appointed and not for us to know. All I know is I want to be ready. I want to kiss everyone as they come and as they go, so that they will know they are loved.

    Our friend did that, not with physical kisses, but with his manner and demeaner. You knew your were loved by him. He had (has) a tremendous heart, and will always be near because he has forged a memory too deep to be forgotten.

    God needed a baritone among his angels and he is a part of the most beautiful choir imaginable.

    We love you Glen!

    August 20, 2005 at 11:29 pm

  2. RickyB

    The realm of emotions we experience when we loose someone close can be overwhelming. The times we say, “I should have…” are all but gone and they do hurt. I look back at the time my dad passed away in 1979 everytime a close friend passes away, and it’s as clear as day… “I should have… called one more time.” Lord knows I’ve beaten myself up over that many a time. But I know there was and is nothing I can do about it now. Knowing what I know now about what scripture/God tells me. I will see my dad once again in the heavenly realm. All we can do now is be a comfort to those who are left behind and show compassion and love them.

    Glen was a man who told ALL people “I love you”. I’m gonna miss that. The whole world will know us by the love we have for one another. And he is signing songs to the Lord in heaven.

    This is one of my favorite songs,”I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me.

    “I can only imagine what it will be like, when I walk by Your side…
    I can only imagine, what my eyes will see, when Your Face is before me!
    I can only imagine. I can only imagine.

    Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?
    Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
    Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
    Will I sing ‘Hallelujah!’? Will I be able to speak at all?
    I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

    I can only imagine, when that day comes, when I find myself standing in the Son!
    I can only imagine, when all I will do, is forever, forever worship You!
    I can only imagine! I can only imagine!

    Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?

    Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
    Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
    Will I sing ‘Hallelujah!’? Will I be able to speak at all?
    I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!

    Surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel?

    Will I dance for you, Jesus? Or in awe of You, be still?
    Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
    Will I sing ‘Hallelujah!’? Will I be able to speak at all?
    I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!

    I can only imagine! Yeah! I can only imagine!! Only imagine!!!
    I can only imagine.

    I can only imagine, when all I do is forever, forever worship You!
    I can only imagine.”

    August 23, 2005 at 9:44 am

  3. Hi there, yeah this piece of writing is really nice
    and I have learned lot of things from it about
    blogging. thanks.

    March 30, 2014 at 11:40 am

  4. Excellent blog! Do yoou have any helpful hints for aspiring writers?
    I’m hoping to start mmy own website soon but I’m a little lost
    on everything. Would you ssuggest starting with a free platform like
    Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out thede that I’m
    totally overwhelmed .. Any recommendations? Appreciate it!

    August 20, 2014 at 1:01 am

    • Hi Donaldson(?), thanks so much for the kinds words and feedback. Sorry took me so long to get back to you here. As far as your question, seems you have your website in place? I went to the link above and it’s very interesting. If you’re thinking more along the blog lines, then, yes the free options are great and very versatile and connected to large communities, which is the whole point, yes? WordPress is great, and there are many other now that may specialize in the type of subject matter you’re focused on–if you are. It can be overwhelming, yes, but at some point in your research, just set a course and go. You can always course correct later, and none of your writing will be lost, it can follow you from platform to platform. Keep writing!

      September 12, 2014 at 1:59 pm

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